How to Meet TCKs in Your New Home
#BlackLivesMatter
This article is raising awareness about
the nationwide bail fund
which supports protestors on the ground
Introduction:
We LOVE when y’all use the little form at the bottom of our website to tell us what you want to read about! One of our readers wanted to know “Where can you meet local TCKs?” and I think it’s a great question!
I’ve been blessed with the ability to be able to make friends anywhere and everywhere, after moving for most of my life as a TCK. I’m very excited to be able to share my experiences and ideas with you. I think this will be very useful once COVID-19 restrictions have been lifted, and some of these conversations can still start now, while you’re at home.
Attitude:
Before we get to the practical stuff, I’ll start with this quickly: It is so helpful to get out there with an open mind and some level of trust in the people you are going to meet. I know this can be harder for some than others, and I can understand. I moved to Sydney after experiencing a lot of trauma in Melbourne and for the first time, I’ve been a little slower making friends here because I’ve been in a bit of a protective bubble. The times I’ve been brave and put myself out there is how I’ve made the friends I have today, and it was completely worth it. I’ll get to this in more detail below!
If you’re shy, be shy, but don’t forget how receptive and open-minded our TCK community is! I’d say it would be unusual to ask for someone’s number or invite someone out for a coffee and have it go south. I don’t think it’s ever happened to me in the many times I’ve moved cities as an adult. TCKs will want to get to know you simply because you’re another TCK—it’s in our nature—so it’s safe to be brave.
These seven steps have always worked for me:
1. Join a meet-up group. This may feel awkward, but I’ve met really good friends through TCK, language and culture-specific meetups, where I found people to be like-minded and easy to chat to.
2. Ask your existing TCK friends if they know any TCKs in your new city. These types of introductions are easy to set up online or face to face, and feel less daunting when meeting new people
3. Get in touch with old friends from your new city. Most people understand that we lose touch when we move. I have learnt that there’s no harm in getting back in touch!
4. Know that you CAN make friends ‘out of thin air’ if it comes from a place of sincerity. You could reach out ‘cold’ and tell a person you like their art or poetry, and find that a friendship forms from that.
5. Follow Up! Don’t be afraid to send reminders and prompts to organise more catch-ups.
6. Say YES! Within reason, say yes to invitations that take you out of your comfort zone so you can expand your friendship networks.
7. Treat your existing friendships with respect. Don’t forget how enriching your past relationships were, and maintain those connections even after moving somewhere new.
To learn more about these steps, check out the “How to meet more TCKs in your new city” guide below!
How to meet more TCKs in your new home
1. Join a meet-up group
If you’re thinking “urgh, meet-ups! Aren’t they kind of lame and awkward?”, that’s exactly what I used to think. Here’s how to navigate them:
Look for TCK meet-ups specifically (or language/cultural exchanges) on Facebook Events, Meetup.com or through a general Google search. Read reviews and try and do a bit of research if you’re apprehensive about getting out of your comfort zone. My advice is to just bite the bullet and give it a go! I really believe discomfort is a sign you’re growing, and that’s always a good thing.
I personally have stayed away from anything with the word “networking” in it, and avoided singles/dating events, and I’ve had some great experiences!
GONE GIRL INTERNATIONAL has FB groups in almost every city and I highly recommend them. They’re a women’s only TCK organization that I’ve always loved and admired. Their meet-ups are fun and FULL of TCKs - which means great conversations and a genuine interest in who you are and where you’re from! If you’re nervous about going to an event alone, most people do attend alone too! You can also drop the host a note and let them know you are a first timer—in my experience they will make time to chat to you when you arrive and introduce you to a few people, and they are always LOVELY humans.
In this Covid era, GGI are actually hosting a HEAP of engaging virtual events, so you really don’t have to wait till lock down is over!
A quick trick: You just have to go to an event once to meet someone great! I joined a language exchange one night and was paired with two lovely Japanese TCKs. I asked them if they wanted to grab brunch on the weekend, we exchanged details (you can add each other on FB or swap numbers), caught up a few days later, and remained friends after that!
You do have to ask for their details to stay in touch. It can feel a little daunting but TCKs are so used to this! You can even indirectly ask by saying something like “We should hang out! Do you want to grab brunch this weekend?” and wait for them to offer to swap details, but I encourage you to be brave and ask first.
2. Ask your existing TCK friends if they know any TCKs in your new city
Ask your friend to give you their friend’s details and send them a quick message explaining that you’re new in town and are looking to meet people. If you’re not comfortable with approaching them directly (I’d encourage you to try), ask your friend to set up an introduction, where all of you are added to the same Whatsapp thread, Facebook group, etc - and they can start the conversation off for you.
3. Get in touch with old friends from your new city
Do your research and see if you already know anyone in the city you’re moving to and reach out! For me, this has been as easy as a blanket status update on FB that says “I’M MOVING TO SYDNEY NEXT MONTH! Anyone want to hang out?”
“But I haven’t spoken to them in years!” I have never found this to be a problem. I think most people understand that relationships and friendships do change, and as people move, it’s hard to keep in touch. I’d say it’s worth dropping them a line and asking if they’d like to catch up.
4. You can make friends ‘out of thin air’
Take a chance and reach out in a way you ordinarily wouldn’t. I met my very good friend, Farah, through another TCK friend Anam. Anam had a poetry reading event and I went along and saw Farah perform. I thought her work was absolutely amazing, so I sent her a Facebook message after the event and told her so. Farah and I caught up for coffee afterward, and have been friends for the last 7 years. She even joined on to write for TCK TOWN!
A quick trick: If you are sincerely curious or appreciative of someone, it will be appreciated by them. And your praise/thoughts are often so helpful to the person who is receiving them. If your intention is to be honest and genuine when connecting with someone, it could spark a new friendship.
5. Follow Up!
If they don’t get back to you at first, don’t be embarrassed about following up. Some of us are crap at replying to messages, and others may just be busy, so a prompt is actually very helpful.
After your first catch-up, keep in touch with them and organize another meeting. It’s easy for new friendships to fizzle quickly, so you may have to put in a bit of effort at the start to build a rapport and have more regular catch-ups.
6. Say YES
Make friends with your new TCK friend’s friends. You’ll get invited to birthdays where you don’t know anyone. You’ll get invited to magic shows when you’re absolutely not interested in magic. If you haven’t got anything important on, give it a try, and through your new TCK friends, you will make even more TCK connections. I met my current group of Sydney girlfriends through Tina, who I met at a GGI event. She then invited me out with her friends Tanya & Tegan, and now all of us hang out and have become close.
Important: Be safe, though! A friend once invited me to her place for a baby shower and it was 2 hours by train and then a further cab ride away. I posted on her FB event and asked if anyone was driving through Melbourne city to get there and a lady put up her hand and offered me a lift. My baby shower friend vouched for her and said it was a great idea, so I hopped in and 2 hours later, we were really good mates who caught up often afterward.
7. Treat your existing friendships with respect
I think some of us TCKs (I am very guilty of this) can treat our older friendships with less care when we move to newer cities. Don’t forget how enriching your past relationships were, and make an effort to maintain them!
Maintaining friendships deserves a whole other article itself, but here’s a quick tip: If you struggle with this (like I do!), try phone reminders. It sounds robotic but I literally have notifications that are set to repeat every few weeks that say “send Emily a note” - and as soon as it comes up, I take a breath, stop what I’m doing and write a message to Emily and let her know I’m thinking about her. Often it leads to us organizing a Skype-catch up too, so these quick check-ins often snowball into more meaningful interactions.
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How do you make new friends in new cities? Do you find this challenging or not? How well do you do at maintaining older relationships? Let me know in the comments below - I’d love to hear what you think!
