Sydney Side And Doing Alright

Dear Team,

In the spirit of vulnerability, which we value so much here at TCK TOWN, I wanted to update you on my move to Sydney and be as honest as possible about the last two months.

It feels like I’ve been here for a long time, but it’s only been 65 days. I have achieved a lot, but I’m still impatient and unfair with myself: I want to be happier, to be more at peace, to feel settled, to have made more friends, to know the city better. I seem to be adding heavy and unkind expectations to an already difficult move.

Sydney itself has been wonderful. I stayed with my friends in East Ryde for 4 weeks until I found my own place in the Inner West. The suburbs were quiet, there were no swooping magpies in sight, and the bus ride into the city crossed three bridges—the last one becoming a busy road that streams  past Darling Harbour with mansions, swimming pools, and happy white boats. 

As with every big city I’ve lived in, I adore Chinatown here. The area takes up a satisfying chunk of the CBD, unlike Melbourne, where it only straddles narrow Little Bourke Street. The buildings are old and the streets are busy. Lamps and neon light sculptures hang suspended above hand-painted alleys and suggestive bowls of noodles are slurped behind glass shop windows. Regent Street Plaza sells iced matcha lattes with almond milk. I like Chippendale too, with their newly renovated White Rabbit Gallery, and rows and rows of city houses and trees. I’ve wandered through Glebe and the winding streets of The Rocks on Saturday mornings. Last week, I went to a design fair at Barangaroo Reserve and sat by the water with a mandarin, watching giant ferries roll by. I walked under the Sydney Harbour Bridge on the way back and admired its strong, dark arches and straight steel.

I’ve moved into a two-bedroom apartment with a new housemate in an area called Ashfield. It’s beside a small church and a graveyard that is pleasant enough in the daylight, but at night on the way home, I still follow my fellow commuters around its periphery instead of walking through the grounds. The apartment is oldbut considerately renovated. We have a bright,  little balcony and trees outside our living room window that remind me of the leafy view from my grandparent’s living room in Sri Lanka. I’m not too fond of my housemate Annie. She is quite passive-aggressive, which has been frustrating to deal with. When I realised I was starting to feel drained from her childish behavior, I had a chat with her about how we could live together better and was granted some very good news a few days later: she’s moving out in two weeks! It does put me under a lot of financial pressure, but it’s still a very welcome change.

The plan was to move to Sydney and really devote myself to better mental health, find a home I enjoy and a job I love. Now that I see it in type, it is a lot for anybody to ask—is it realistic to line everything up like this at once? After years of really struggling in Melbourne with all of the above though, I was tired of compromising. ‘Maybes’ and ‘middle-grounds’ were always the sensible option, but they were also only half the life I wanted to live and half the way I wanted to feel. When I decided to move to Sydney, I did so with these mantras: “this is my time for healing” and “no more compromises!”. Now that I think about it, it’s served me well so far.  diplomatically drawing boundaries with my housemate has resulted in something I wasn’t being honest with myself about: I want to live alone and have been scared about the financial implications for far too long.

I’ve been freelancing with an incredible design agency in Surry Hills (there is a bakery around the corner from the office that is so good it will melt your brain) which is also a production house, which means the creative work is hands-on and exciting: much more than I could have hoped to find in my second month here! I've worked on film, animation, projection and virtual reality briefs, and had far too much fun at their agency ping-pong night. I’m eagerly anticipating a real full-time offer (I’ve received a verbal one so far), but I’ve also applied for another Senior role I am ecstatic about and am scoping out some very cool creative agencies here. 

The most challenging career decision I’ve made since I’ve arrived was turning down a Creative Director role. The ambitious push-push-push side of me hollered, “just suck it up and say yes! Get over whatever you’re going through! This is a huge opportunity!”. In Melbourne, I would have agreed to it. Here in my new city, however, I reminded myself of my mantra: “this is my time for healing”—and with hesitant hands, typed and sent a rejection of the offer. The truth was that I hadn’t been sleeping well and was exhausted. I was still emotionally fatigued by this big move and was also dealing with family issues on the side. Taking that Creative Director role would have been a step backward, though it was hard to see that at the time. I’m so fortunate Sydney has been serving me with fresh perspectives since I’ve arrived here!

I’ve booked myself in to see a therapist once a week to really help with my mental health. I’ve been overwhelmed in many ways since I’ve been here: I’m finding it hard to make time for my TCK TOWN Editor-In-Chief duties, I find it challenging to keep in touch with my old friends, and it’s hard to eat well and motivate myself to exercise too. This is my third move this year alone, and I’ve moved countless times before, but it’s still draining. I might be feeling the weight of this move in particular, because I’m really fighting to be happier and healthier and these are very difficult goals to attain. 

One big thing I’ve learned is that I can’t wait for things to ‘settle down’ to feel better about my new life. Will things will get better after Annie leaves and will I feel happier once I finally book a full-time job? There’s really no guarantee of that and even if all of that does eventuate, nothing lasts forever! All I can do (and what I’ve been trying to do) is keep lengthening my fuse by focusing on what feels good every day: go for a walk when I’ve been at my laptop for too long, explore the city alone if my new friends aren’t available, journal to try and dispel jumbled thoughts and here’s one I’m still struggling with—have real faith that my decisions will eventually help me attain my goals. 

It’s been a trip. Largely, a good one. I’ve gotten much further than I could have imagined in two months.

I hope all of you are doing well too—send me updates when you can! As a team, it’s been a massive period of change: five of us have moved, one is moving at the end of this month, four have started new jobs while two of us are looking for new roles. We also have four new team members joining us! We should be proud of ourselves—we’ve still managed, edited, written and promoted some truly beautiful stories together (and an awesome collaboration with Styles 4 Kidz) despite all of this. I’m so proud of all of us and feel so fulfilled and happy to be part of this team!

I love you all and can’t wait to properly catch up.

Yours always,

Ava