How to Settle Down Before Settling Down

Introduction

I’ve lived in four homes this year alone (Melbourne, Dubai & Sydney) after moving around as a TCK from Sri Lanka, to Bahrain, to Tokyo, to three different states in Australia over the last 31 years (my new therapist in Sydney was not happy when he learned this)!

Despite all these transitions, it was only this year that the ability (and value) of these pre-settling practices really clicked. As TCKs, we know it takes months to get your roots into the earth, to make connections, to find your ‘regular’ cafe so you’re not wandering around for 45 minutes desperate for a coffee. This guide is not about that kind of settling. Settling in completely is important, but your beginnings in a new place can set the tone for the rest of your experience there. That’s why I’ve named this a pre-settling guide: quick tips to start you off in your new TCK home.

So, how do you start to get comfortable quickly, before the hard yards really begin? These are three steps that really worked for me:

1. Turn what you love into a portable routine. Create a few simple actions/activities that you can easily practice daily, no matter where you are, to stay centered. Establishing a steady foundation like this will make it easy for you to tackle the unfamiliarity and discomfort that can come with moving to a new place.

2. Personalise your room/home right away. This is not about decorating or frivolity, but about claiming your new space as your own, so it is no longer new/alien/uninhabited.

3. Figure out what energises you. No matter how seasoned a traveler you are, moving is always tough on some level! Get to know what makes you feel good, to ‘fill up your cup’, so you have more mental and emotional resources to tackle any upcoming moving challenges.

To learn more about these steps, check out the “How to Pre-settle into a New Home” guide below!

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1. Turn what you love into a portable routine.

We’re all different. Some love the freedom of discovering what the day holds as it unravels, others love the efficiency of having everything mapped out, and many of us float in the middle of the two. I’m not talking about this level of planning when I say “routine”. Instead, I suggest having one or two things (at least) that you do everyday (or as close to everyday as you can), that are easy to replicate no matter where you go. Here’s the important part⁠—these routines must be related to things that you love and interest you.

I love anything aromatherapy related, particularly scented candles, lotions and oils, so my two simple routines are:

Routine 1:  Waking up with oils & lotions

In the morning, after showering and before putting my make-up on, I rub scented lotion on my hands, right up my arms, to my shoulders and the back of my neck. Right now, I’m still using a Spa Ceylon lotion I bought from Sri Lanka this year. It’s easy to pack, and when it runs out, it’s even easier to find another scented lotion I might like in my new TCK hometown. 

I also stock up on an Ayurvedic “Happiness Balm” by Spa Ceylon (I promise, this post isn’t sponsored, I just LOVE their products!) - and currently have two bottles that are still full. They’re tiny rollers, each the size of my thumb, that dispense fresh, crisp peppermint oil. While getting ready, I dab oil on each of my pulse points⁠—wrists, temples & neck. Again, these rollers are super easy to carry, and simple to replace with any other essential oil when they eventually run out.

I particularly enjoy this routine because it’s 60 seconds of pampering I don’t usually allow myself otherwise. I’m not a manicure/pedicure person, I don’t get my hair done and don’t make time for treats like massages or spa sessions. Having me-time, allowing for self-love and self-care, we all know, is important, and this is a small window where I allow myself just that.

Routine 2: Lighting a candle at night

While I’m getting ready for bed, to wind down, I light a scented candle in my bedroom (don’t forget to blow it out before you sleep!). Simple! Again, they’re easy to buy, and to pack too.

If you’re interested in a pre-settling routine that’s aromatherapy based, there’s plenty of information out there about how beneficial this can be for your health. Some essential oils have even been linked to weight loss (!) Scents like lavender are beneficial for relaxation, while peppermint is associated with increased levels of energy: do your research or talk to an expert and find what works for you!

I’m really not into aromatherapy, though!

Remember, the point here is not to adopt an aromatherapy routine, but to start a personal routine you’ll enjoy enough to do everyday. This does mean that you need to take a few moments to figure out what you really like. What makes you feel relaxed, makes you smile, or makes you laugh? 

If you love Brooklyn 99, play an episode in the background while you’re making breakfast (if you don’t have internet, the Netflix app lets you download episodes to play offline). If you love a particular sports team, have an email update sent to your inbox for you to open when you wake up, or to view during your commute. If you love sneakers, start a Pinterest board and add one pin to it each day. Take the time (it’s worth it!) to find what works for you (and expect some trial and error!).

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2. Personalise your room right away

The key here is to think small. I don’t mean buying new furniture, new wallpaper, new posters, nor do I mean decorating the entire space. When I say ‘personalise’, I mean finding mini-ways to start to claim your new space as your own, whether you’re staying long term, renting, or only there for a few weeks/months.

I carry a few items with me everywhere, that fit perfectly in any room. You can pack as many of these as you like!

A string of brass fairy lights: These are battery powered, so I don’t even need to worry about converters and international plug sockets! They’re really easy to wind up and store in my suitcase, and of course, you can buy batteries practically anywhere.

Greeting cards: I have two that are my absolute favourites. One says “Life is tough, my darling, but so are you” which my best friend, Chaddah, sent me, with a gift basket, when I was going through a particularly hard time at the start of the year in Melbourne. My second favourite has “YOU GOT THIS SHIT,” letterpressed in beautiful type with orange ink, which my friend Steph gave me on my birthday. I wedged them into the frame of my bathroom mirror in Dubai so I could see these every morning, but in Sydney, they’re propped open on my new desk in my bedroom. I have a stack more cards that I carry with me. I use the rest as bookmarks, or hide them in recipe books for me to find later. It’s not like they take up a lot of room or weigh that much!

Rosaries: I’m not religious at all, but when I visited Mumbai for the first time, my friend Gaurav and I went to a beautiful church, Basilica Of Our Lady Of The Mount, in West Bandra. Outside, there were stalls set up, selling religious trinkets in, I kid you not, every colour imaginable. I bought 5 plastic rosaries in pink, yellow, purple, orange and peach that are really easy to hang on a bedroom doorknob. They’ve visited 4 apartments already, this year! I love that they’re on display because they remind me of a really special holiday with a friend that I absolutely adore.

“That’s not practical!”

I hear you, and for a long time, I thought the same way. “Why use up perfectly good suitcase space carrying decorative items?!” I’d argue that small items like these barely take up any room, and are worth the comforts they can bring. 

If you are still hesitant, try packing items that double up in their uses, like my greeting cards/bookmarks! You could even sling your favourite sports jersey over the back of a chair in your room or change your tablet/laptop screensaver of photographs of your friends if you don’t want to carry photos and frames around. I’m sure if you get creative, there are plenty of space-saving alternatives that will work well for you!

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3. Figure out what energises you.

It’s taken me a long time to figure out what I really love doing, but breaking this seemingly big existential question into two really helped:

Am I introverted or extroverted?

Keep in mind that being an introvert means you recharge best when you have alone time (this does NOT mean you are shy, quiet or ‘awkward’) and being an extrovert means you recharge in crowded spaces or in the company of others (being an extrovert does not mean you are loud and outgoing!). I figured out I’m an extrovert: I can be a little shy in social situations, and I am very independent, enough to enjoy my own company, but the longer I am at home on my own, the more demotivated and bored I become. This means, when I’m in a new city or a country, I really need to make time to:

Meet new people: If you’re a TCK lady, the Gone Girl International Facebook groups are fab for this. You can literally drop a note on their wall saying you’re new in the city and want to have a coffee and someone is almost guaranteed to respond, and best of all, they’ll be a TCK too! If not, Meetup.com could be another viable option. I’ve also asked friends to put me in touch with their friends in my new city, and have met some truly lovely people that way.

Work at a cafe: Since sitting alone at home eventually renders me quite unproductive, I make sure I find at least one cafe or library, where I can access Wifi, at least within my first week, where I can work when I’m not exploring or meeting new people. 

What can you do if you’re introverted? One of my friends has a “bath day” every Saturday, for at least an hour. This might mean making sure you have an hour or two to yourself everyday to read, or workout, or whatever, before you have to tackle the rest of the world.

Do a little homework, ask friends what works for them, and really make an effort to show up for yourself with these ‘energising’ activities. It might seem like a big question to answer about yourself, but I promise, it’s worth it! If anything, you probably already have a rough idea or two about what you might need, and just need an excuse to dig further. This was the case for me, even though this question had really daunted me in the past.

What do I define as play?

Brent Brown (superstar vulnerability researcher and TED Talk legend) classifies ‘play’ (yes, play for us adults and non-kids!) as “time spent without purpose”. This could mean sketching in the evening (which doesn’t count if you’re a designer and you’re trying to improve for work!), going to a batting cage, Sudoku, anything really! It is beneficial because it is vital for human development, encouraging creativity & innovation, which eventually leads to us having better, healthier relationships with the people around us (boom! How can you argue with that?). Here’s what I do during my playtime: 

Cooking: Fortunately I’ve been lucky enough to have a kitchen in each of the places I’ve stayed at. In Dubai this meant cooking meals for my friends and family, and in Sydney, it meant having dinner ready for my friend while I was staying at her house, until I found my own place to live.

Planting: Invariably, when you move, you have to give your plants away if you’re not shipping them to your new home. I found there was still room for some mini short-term projects: I tried to propagate some vines in our kitchen window in Dubai (no luck!) and grew some new spring onions for my friends in Sydney (they grow overnight if you plop the bulb in some water!). In my new house, I’m currently growing spring onions and carrots on my kitchen counter.

“I don’t have time!”

Yes, you do! If you’re a scheduler, look through your calendar, find the gaps, and block time out. They’ll be there, and this will be worth it!

And there you have it! 3 different ways to start settling in quickly to a new TCK home! If all else fails, have a housewarming party, or at least a sesh where you have friends/family over to mark this transition in your life in a positive way. Good luck with your next move!

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Can you vouch for any of these practices above? What do you do differently? Let me know in the comments below - I’d love to hear new ideas!